The Harsh Reality of Motherhood
In 2018, we welcomed our beautiful Zoe into the world. After a miscarriage in 2017 left me feeling a little untrusting of my own body, to hold that perfect puny human in my arms was a healing experience. In that moment I was back to trusting that my body isn’t silly and haven’t doubted it since.
My pregnancy was clinically unremarkable aside from Zoe being breech early on and staying breech. I spent hours working on my “spinning babies” moves to no avail. She was stubborn then and nothing has changed.
After consulting with my OB on the pros and cons of breech birth vs elective C-section, with a heavy heart I opted for the elective C-section. I have extensive knowledge of human anatomy and felt that my best chance of breech birth would require me to have feeling in my legs so I could create as much space for baby as possible. However, an epidural was not negotiable as “I might have to do things to you that you don’t want to feel”. The idea of a C-section haunted me for the next week or two…just the thought of all layers of my abdominal wall being opened up gave me the heebeegeebies.
On the big day, I couldn’t keep my s^*t together. The anaesthetist managed to get the epidural in but I was having lightning type sensations down my right leg so he made the call to not press on with the full spinal (used for post op pain relief). The feeling or rather lack of feeling in my lower half as they moved me from sitting to lying broke my brain. Oh, and come on with your big old blue sheet barrier thing…there is a giant highly reflective surgical light right above us showing me exactly what’s happening!
Fast forward to a couple of days post op and in comes a physio who flicks a piece of A4 paper at me and says ‘do these three times a day’, turns on a dime and leaves never to be seen again. I didn’t think much of it at the time as I sat there with my bleeding nipples in my sleep deprived, endone fog. However, come day five, discharge day, I came across the piece of paper again which had some pelvic floor and basic core stability exercises on it. I looked over it and thought to myself shoving the paper in my bag – yep I’m familiar with all those but that’s not the best way to recruit pelvic floor, this must be old!
Days possibly weeks passed before I got around to unpacking that bag. When I finally did I sat and stared at that piece of paper. As I reflected on the whole post-natal care experience I felt a little deflated. I’d come across some wonderful midwives and a bloody brilliant Lactation Consultant who I will be forever grateful for. But…here I sit with a crappy exercise program that came with zero explanation or coaching. I couldn’t help but wonder is this just me? Was the physio just super busy that day? OR is this happening to loads of women? Is there a big gaping hole in the system where post-natal women are just brushed to the side? Should women have to wait until they develop more serious issues to be referred on? OR should there be a referral system in place for women to seek early intervention from a Women’s Health Physiologist or Accredited Exercise Physiologist? So many questions!
The more I though about it the more I realised that this lack of post-natal care was actually reflected in a lot of my clients. Clients who usually get around to seeing me 1 to 6 years after their last bub. Clients with a wide range of women’s health concerns including; chronic back pain, pelvic floor dysfunction, diastasis recti (abdominal separation), pubic symphysis dysfunction, SIJ dysfunction and some like myself who have psychological birth demons to work through. I started talking to friends and clients more in depth about their post-natal recovery experiences and it soon became apparent I was not the exception. Hence, I have developed a passion to support and educate women on pre-natal body hacks and post-natal recovery.
I got the green light from my OB at 8 weeks post, all clear to drive and exercise. Again, what if you aren’t an AEP or similar? Then what? You’re left to lug a 13kg pram (yes that’s how much my pram weighs, empty) in and out of the car, lift load after load of wet washing because your little bundle of joy can’t keep a feed down, manoeuvre a clothes horse awkwardly up and down 3 steps and into the sun, stand and rock bub for hours on end, sit and sleep in the worlds most awkward postures for hours because breaking the silence is not an option, and so much more! It has got to be the oxytocin “love hormone” that gets us through all of this.
The ability to grow and sustain another life, sometimes multiple lives, inside our bodies is amazing. However, it’s not without repercussions, especially if like me you ventured into motherhood a bit later in life. It took me months of slow gentle exercise progression to re-establish basic inner core stability and at around six months I was feeling ready to progressively add heavier functional movements and some higher impact work. I didn’t realise it at the time because I was in no rush, my post-natal recovery would take as long as it takes. However, now that Zoe is a toddler and nap-times are so unbelievably precious, I am grateful that I started to put myself back together sooner rather than later. I feel that I’ve avoided possible longer term, more costly issues. Oh! And, 11 months after Zoe was born, I woke up, to throw up in my slipper, and I knew my body was ready for round two.